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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24461920">Forget Me Not</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/waytotheend/pseuds/waytotheend'>waytotheend</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:00:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,200</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24461920</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/waytotheend/pseuds/waytotheend</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eddie gets hurt while on a call and ends up suffering from temporary amnesia. Forgetting certain things, makes him realize something else.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>527</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Forget Me Not</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for peroquenotevean who requested:<br/>there is an accident at work and he loses his memory. He can't remember who he is, so he doesn't remember the team, buck, his family and the worst, he doesn't remember he has a child. But he does think that guy with blue eyes and a birthmark above his eyes is hot as fuck and can't stop telling him so. Buck doesn't know what to do as he is in love with Eddie but thought it was unrequited. Kudos if this happens after the lawsuit but before Buck and Eddie patched things up.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie hates it when people struggle during a rescue and as much as he knows that adrenaline and fear can make you irrational, he’s quickly losing his patience with the woman who's been refusing to evacuate for the past five minutes. He’s about to grab her and throw her over his shoulder despite her protests when she passes out from the smoke inhalation. It might make him a bad person, but he sends a thank you up to the sky and grabs her.</p><p>From here on out it should be easy. Get to the window, pass her to Chimney, and then get himself out. Except Bobby is telling him something over the radio that he can’t hear over the sound of the fire. As soon as he reaches the window, he passes the woman over to Chimney who’s been waiting for him on the aerial.</p><p>“Got her?”</p><p>“Yeah, get yourself out, Bobby is worried about the flashover,” Chimney tells him.</p><p>And Eddie knows he’s got this, has done it a million times before but his hand closes around the ladder, he pulls himself out and then gets hit full on by the explosion behind him that sends him flying. He’s pretty sure he hits his head against the ladder but just as the thought enters his mind, everything goes black.</p><p>***</p><p>The first time he opens his eyes everything is fuzzy and too loud. He blinks a couple of times, sees a nurse by his side smiling benevolently at him, and then he’s out cold again. The next time he comes to, an older woman is leaning over him, her hand slowly caressing his face.</p><p>“Eddie?”</p><p>His head is killing him. “Where…”</p><p>“You’re at the hospital.” The woman pulls back a bit, but her hand stays on his cheek. “You’ve been out of it for a few days. Are you trying to send me into an early grave?” She chuckles and pats his face before sitting down in the empty chair next to his bed.</p><p>All he can feel except for the pain in his head and his shoulder, it’s overwhelming confusion. “What happened?”</p><p>“You fell off a ladder during a call, hit your head on the way down, and then landed on your shoulder. You're lucky it's not broken.”</p><p>“A call?”</p><p>“Yes, yes, you saved a woman and then fell.”</p><p>“I don’t… I don’t understand.”</p><p>She suddenly looks worried. “It’s okay if you don’t remember, Eddie.”</p><p>“Eddie?” He’s even more confused now. “I’m sorry I… how do I know you?”</p><p>Her eyes widen and she gets up quickly, already calling for a doctor before she’s even fully stepped out of the room.</p><p>After having to endure a light shined directly into his eyes, being probed, put in a CAT machine, and then probed some more, the doctor looks at him as if he’s feeling sorry for Eddie. By the time he’s back in his room, the woman from before (who now Eddie knows being his abuela) is flanked by a tall middle-aged man and a tall woman dressed in a dark navy uniform from the LAFD; Eddie has absolutely no idea who either one of them is.</p><p>“As I explained to you when he first got here, we couldn’t predict the outcome of his concussion until Mr. Diaz woke up,” the doctor explains, and Eddie is annoyed to notice that the doctor is speaking about him as if he weren’t in the room.</p><p>“Well, he’s awake now,” the woman cuts in, her tone making it clear that the doctor better get to the point and Eddie instantly likes her. “So, what are we looking at here?”</p><p>“Retrograde amnesia as a result of the concussion. Temporary amnesia is quite common in patients who suffer a traumatic brain injury. It should clear up on its own.”</p><p>Eddie frowns. “Should?”</p><p>The doctor finally looks at him. “In most cases. We can’t predict how long it will take though. It goes without saying but you can’t be cleared for duty if you can’t remember your training.”</p><p>“What duty is that exactly?”</p><p>The man in the uniform steps forward, calmness radiating off him. “You’re a firefighter Eddie. My name is Bobby Nash, I’m your captain. And this,” he turns to the woman standing next to him, “is Hen Wilson. She’s a paramedic in our station.”</p><p>“I’m a firefighter?”</p><p>“How can we know how much he’s forgotten?” his grandmother asks.</p><p>“Well, he doesn’t remember his name and didn’t recognize either you or his colleagues. So, I would say everything leading up to the incident is repressed for now. It’ll be okay, I’m sure.” He pats her on the shoulder and then he leaves before they can ask anything else.</p><p>“I think I need a new doctor,” Eddie observes.</p><p>***</p><p>“So, this is your place,” Bobby tells him as he opens the door to a nice house that brings no familiarity whatsoever to Eddie. “You live here with Christopher. Carla will bring him home from school, I’m sure he can’t wait to see you.”</p><p>“Christopher?”</p><p>“Oh, I guess we didn’t think about telling you about him.” Bobby puts Eddie’s bag down in the corridor and then gently guides Eddie to one of the rooms at the back of the house. When he opens the door, Eddie sees that it’s a child’s bedroom. “Chris is your son. He’s nine. And Carla looks after him when you’re at work.”</p><p>Eddie feels his stomach twist. He has a son, a nine-year-old son whom he’s forgotten all about. He has so many questions, but his eyes fall on the bedside table where he can see a picture of himself with a kid. He picks it up. “Is this him?” He runs his finger over the kid’s face and along his arms, pausing to stare at the crutches. “Was he hurt?”</p><p>Bobby shakes his head, coming to stand next to him. “No, he has cerebral palsy. It’s a movement disorder. He’s an amazing kid, he just needs to use the crutches to support his muscles.”</p><p>“I don’t remember him.”</p><p>“You will.” Bobby pats him on the shoulder. “Now, I have to head back to the station but, you shouldn’t be on your own. Hen will come to check on you at the end of the shift, okay?”</p><p>Eddie nods absentmindedly, turning around and finding himself looking at a picture of his kid with a blond man who looks remarkably like he could be Christopher's dad. Maybe he has someone after all. </p><p>***</p><p>He’s not sure when he fell asleep or even how long he’s been out for when he gets woken up by the doorbell, a few knocks quickly following when he doesn’t answer. He’s running a hand through his hair when he pulls open the door without checking the peephole. In his defense, at the moment he wouldn’t be able to tell a criminal from his best friend. As soon as his eyes finally focus on the man standing in front of his door, his words die in his mouth. He's the man from the picture in Christopher's room but he's even more beautiful in the flash. The man is tall, blond, deep blue eyes and muscles for days. Eddie is not ashamed to admit that he lets his eyes follow the lines of the muscles visible under the thin white t-shirt or the long strong legs covered by black jeans.</p><p>“Eddie, Eddie?”</p><p>He guesses he must have zoned out for a second. Eddie relaxes a little and leans against the door in what he hopes is a casual but attractive pose. Yes, he’s wearing an old Army t-shirt (which he guessed meant he had served in the army at some point in his life) and an even older pair of black sweatpants so he’s not gonna make this guy fall at his feet, but hey, he can always try, plus, maybe he's already someone important. Eddie’s not sure what type of person he usually is, but not having his memories makes him feel lighter. They will come back and he can deal with his real life in due time but now, now he’s free to be whoever he wants.</p><p>The guy frowns in confusion when he smiles. “Huh, hi. I went by the hospital, but they told me you were checked out. I'm sorry, I should have called.”</p><p>This guy cares about him, this much is clear to Eddie and something warm expands in his chest. “Yes, I’m all good.”</p><p>“Good. I know that after the other day at the grocery store you probably don’t want to see me but when Maddie called me to tell me what happened, I went by the hospital and found out… Eddie, are you sure you're okay?”</p><p>Eddie nods, his eyes not moving away from the guy’s face and settling on the pink smudge over his left eye. “Were you hurt too?”</p><p>He frowns. “I… what do you mean?”</p><p>“Your eye. Were you with me on the call when I fell? Did you get hurt too?”</p><p>“No, no, Eddie what are you talking about, my eye is fine.” He looks about to say something else but then shakes his head and takes a step forward and then one back as if scared of how Eddie is going to react. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”</p><p>“What happened at the grocery store? I can’t remember.”</p><p>Realization seems to dawn on his face. “Of course, that was the same day you got hurt, you probably don’t remember most of it.”</p><p>He doesn’t need to mention that he doesn't remember anything at all, right? He can just play along. The guy seems nice, he has come to check on Eddie despite whatever happened at the store and he is beautiful, has Eddie mentioned that already?</p><p>“We had a fight, you were mad at me. I wanted to apologize for what happened and just say that I miss you and I’m sorry and I would like to see Chris if that’s okay. Whatever you need to forgive me, just name it.”</p><p>As confused as Eddie feels right now, all his mind can put together is that this guy misses him and Christopher and he's the first person he's seen so far that made him feel any sense of familiarity, that didn't feel like a stranger. There's no way he's not someone important in his and Christopher's life. </p><p>“It’s okay, it’s all water under the bridge.”</p><p>“You sure?”</p><p>“Yeah. So, hey, wanna come inside?” as he says it, he steps to the side, a big smile on his face. “You can keep me company until Chris gets home.”</p><p>He smiles timidly at Eddie, all pink cheeks and shiny blue eyes, and Eddie would like to congratulate his past self for managing to get someone so beautiful to give him the time of day. He closes the door behind them and leads him to the kitchen. “Would you like something to drink?” As he walks away, he decides to test the waters a little by letting his shoulder brush up against the guy’s who doesn’t pull away; Eddie swears he can hear his breath stutter. There's definitely something there, he's sure. Maybe he's his boyfriend and they had a fight that's why he wasn't in the hospital, that's the only explanation he can come up with. </p><p>“Beer is fine?” he asks over his shoulder and pulls two out of the fridge when the guy nods. Eddie lets their fingers touch while he passes a bottle over.</p><p>“What did the doctor say? Everything clear?”</p><p>“Yeah, mostly okay, just need to wait a few days to see if everything gets back to normal again.”</p><p>“That’s good.” The guy takes a sip and then looks away. “Eddie, I’m sorry I wasn’t around for you and Christopher. You were right, I was impulsive as always and I should have thought about what it would all…” He trails off as Eddie steps closer, a hand coming to rest over his, thumb stroking soothingly. “Ed… Eddie.”</p><p>Eddie feels the pulse quicken in the wrist he’s holding. “It’s okay. All’s forgiven. We’re a team, right?”</p><p>He’s staring in the bluest eyes he’s ever seen and they’re red-rimmed and so sad and hopeful at the same time that really, Eddie has no remorse whatsoever when he steps forward, his free hand coming to rest on the guy’s shoulder, thumb stroking over his pulse point. He has every intention of kissing this beautiful man when the front door opens and a voice calls loudly into the house.</p><p>“DADDY!”</p><p>He would not have pulled back if the guy hadn’t shot away from him as if Eddie was suddenly on fire. He’s just about to say something, do something stupid like pulling him back in when Christopher and who Eddie assumes is Carla, step into the kitchen.</p><p>Chris throws himself at his dad’s legs, hugging him tightly, and just as Eddie is about to reciprocate the hug, Christopher's eyes finally notice the man standing beside him.</p><p>“BUCK! Buck, you’re here too.”</p><p>So that’s guy's name. Unusual but who’s Eddie to judge.</p><p>The guy, Buck, smiles softly, a bit uncertain, his eyes darting between Chris and Eddie as if he’s checking whether it’s okay for him to reach out. Chris takes the matter into his own hands, making his way over to Buck and hugging him just as tightly as he had hugged his father.</p><p>“Hey, Chris.” Buck pulls him in closer and Eddie sees him closing his eyes, resting his cheek on top of Chris’s head, his nose buried in Chris’s soft hair. “I missed you, buddy.”</p><p>“I missed you the most.”</p><p>“I might need a tissue now,” Carla’s voice sounds loudly through the kitchen. She goes over to Eddie and gets her hug. “How are you doing? Anything in here jogged your memory?”</p><p>“What? What’s wrong with your memory?”</p><p>When Eddie looks over to Buck, he looks lost and betrayed. Eddie can admit he could have handled this better.</p><p>“I have temporary amnesia.”</p><p>“You what?”</p><p>“Temp…”</p><p>“I heard, I just can’t believe you would actually...” He pulls away from Christopher and Eddie can see the rage on his face. “I’m going to go. I’m glad you’re okay. Carla, it was nice to see you. Chris, I love you, buddy.”</p><p>He’s gone before any of them can try to make him stay.</p><p>“Eddie Diaz, what did you do?” Carla reprimands him.</p><p>“Nothing, I just… He showed up and he said he missed me I may have misread the situation.”</p><p>“So, you didn’t tell him that you had absolutely no idea who he was?”</p><p>Eddie shrugs. Buck is too good looking for his own good.</p><p>***</p><p>They have dinner, Eddie puts Chris to bed and then goes to sit in the living room, his phone staring mockingly at him from the coffee table. The thing that confuses him to no end is that as much as he doesn’t remember being a father, his body does, his heart does, and in the same way, knowing that Buck is someone important is like muscle memory. Now, if Eddie could only remember why that is.</p><p>Carla didn’t want to tell him anything, just suggested to call Buck and apologize, maybe leave it a day or two but Eddie knows that he won’t be able to go to sleep if he doesn’t do something about this.</p><p>He picks up his phone and doesn’t have to scroll too long down his list of contacts before finding Buck's. There’s not even a lot of numbers saved on the phone, to begin with, and he will take a look at how sad his life is after he’s fixed this.</p><p>Next to Buck’s name, there’s a comment “Don’t call him even if you’re drunk” Definitely a story there. He presses the dial button and waits. It rings six times before Buck finally picks up.</p><p>“<em>What, Eddie.</em>”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“<em>You’re sorry,”</em> Buck scoffs. “<em>Sorry about what exactly? Forgetting to mention your amnesia or about whatever you were pulling in your kitchen? Because let me tell you…</em>”</p><p>“I’m not sorry about the kitchen.”</p><p>Buck remains silent for so long that Eddie checks the screen to make sure the call hasn’t been disconnected.</p><p>“Buck?”</p><p>He clears his throat. “<em>I’m here.</em>"</p><p>“I may be confused about a few things, but I think my brain just short-circuited for a second when I saw you. Can’t really be blamed for that.”</p><p>“<em>What are you even talking about?</em>”</p><p>“Are you sure nothing is going on between us? Isn’t that why we fought? You mentioned the grocery store and…”</p><p>“<em>No, that’s not what that was about. Listen, I will leave you alone and you can call me when you’ve regained your memory, okay? And when you do, we can do whatever you want. We can pretend all this never happened or…</em>”</p><p>“Or not,” Eddie finishes for him. “I don’t need you to leave me alone. I get it, I had it all wrong, saw something where there wasn’t anything, it’s okay.”</p><p>“<em>Eddie…</em>”</p><p>“Buck, come over tomorrow? You can tell me about yourself.”</p><p>A bit and then… “<em>Okay, I can do that.</em>”</p><p>Eddie goes to bed smiling.</p><p>***</p><p>So that thing he told Buck about him getting it and how he wasn’t going to try anything again? A total lie and Eddie doesn't care because Buck comes around the next day and the day after because he’s not cleared for duty yet. Eddie asks him why he’s off duty and Buck is reluctant to talk about it, tells him that once Eddie remembers he won’t want Buck around so he avoids the topic.</p><p>And Buck and Chris adore each other, Eddie can’t be blamed if his mind wonders sometimes when Buck is letting Chris crawl all over him or when Buck cooks for them or when Buck does anything at all. Eddie can’t believe he’s wasted this much time and never did anything about it. And he’s not blind, he knows Buck would let him take whatever he wants because whenever Eddie sits closer than necessary, Buck doesn’t move away, and when Eddie lets his hand linger on Buck’s shoulder when they're hugging good night, Buck doesn’t pull away. So, Eddie knows he has a shot, but Buck won’t budge, keeps saying “after you’re recovered.”</p><p>But it’s been four days now and what if Eddie never gains his memories back? He asks as much and Buck shuts down completely.</p><p>“You will and then you will hold this against me because right now you may not remember what happened but I sure as hell do, Eddie.”</p><p>He’s frustrating but Eddie is stubborn.</p><p>“So, how many people make jokes about you being too hot in your uniform to put out fires?”</p><p>Buck snorts his beer out of his nose. “Eddie, what the hell man.”</p><p>“It’s a valid question.” He shrugs, kicks his feet on the coffee table, leans back against the sofa, and looks at Buck, holds his gaze and lets Buck look at him. “You’re stubborn,” he whispers, sees Buck’s eyes fix to his lips. “Too stubborn.”</p><p>“I told you…”</p><p>“Yeah, I know.” He reaches out, lets his hand find Buck’s where it’s resting between them. “I hear you.” His fingers trace the veins on the back of Buck’s hand and go up to his wrist, stopping to trace the band tattooed around his forearm. “I like your tattoos.”</p><p>“I like yours too.”</p><p>Eddie grins. “I know.” He’s seen Buck look and Eddie doesn’t understand why Buck is denying them this. He really, really wants to kiss Buck. He’s wearing a pink sweater and all it does is bring out the pink of his lips and the blue of his eyes and it’s not fair. He wonders if slamming his head against the wall will jog his memories faster but he’s pretty sure his brain is not an old TV that will clear up with a few well-placed slaps.</p><p>***</p><p>He hasn’t been honest with Buck, again. He’s been remembering things, here and there. He remembers his way around a fire truck when he goes over to the station to visit the others and to check on Buck for his first shift back. He also remembers things about Chris being a baby, about his dead wife Shannon, remembers his parents, and has a vague memory of an ambulance blowing up which he thinks it’s somehow tied up with Buck.</p><p>So, he knows his memory is coming back and he wants to tell Buck, but what if he remembers whatever it is Buck is so scared of and that ruins everything? He decides to just bide his time until everything is back and then he’ll mention it, Buck will understand, he knows it.</p><p>A few days later, exactly two weeks since he’s left the hospital, he wakes up with a blinding headache that makes him throw up. He has to call Carla to take Chris to school and when Buck shows up later in the day to check on him, Buck does not in fact understand.</p><p>“Why wouldn’t you tell me you were sick? I would have come to pick up Chris, I would have come to check on you sooner! You’re always hiding things and…” He’s pacing in front of the sofa where Eddie has let himself fall into a heap and Eddie can’t stop the sarcastic snort coming out of his mouth.</p><p>“That’s ritch coming from you.” He knows he’s made a mistake the minute the words are out.</p><p>Buck freezes. “Excuse me?”</p><p>“I said, that’s ritch coming from you. You can’t tell me I hide things when you started a whole lawsuit without telling me, hid the cramps in your legs until you coughed up blood and…”</p><p>“How do you… You remember!”</p><p>Eddie struggles to pull himself upright. “Yeah, I remember alright.” He’s too grumpy to do this now and he knows they are a few words away from saying something they can’t take back. “Buck, listen…”</p><p>“No, I’m going to go.”</p><p>“Of course, you are. You wanna say bye to Chris this time?”</p><p>And Buck doesn’t even look surprised at Eddie’s shoving that in his face but he should be furious, Eddie wants him to be furious because yes he remembers what Buck did, but he also remembers what he has done, what Bobby did… Buck should be pushing him back not just stand there and take it. So maybe Eddie is pushing a little bit, but he’s doing it for a good cause.</p><p>Buck shakes his head as if he was still expecting better from Eddie and leaves. </p><p>***</p><p>Eddie goes to the hospital, gets checked, gets a clean bill of health, and gets reinstated at work. On his first shift back, Buck is not at work, neither is he the day after or the one after that. He texts Buck to ask him where the hell he's gone but gets no answer. Five days later, he finally caves in and asks Bobby.</p><p>“He asked to be put on shift B.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Bobby shrugs. “I tried talking him out of it but he wouldn’t listen. Said if he wasn’t allowed back on calls, he might as well be on a different shift. I gave it to him so he could cool off. I don’t need you two at each other’s throat, what happened at the grocery store was enough.”</p><p>So Eddie does what he should have done from the start and goes to Buck’s place. He knocks three times and he’s pretty sure the neighbors are about to call the police by the time Buck opens the door looking disheveled and half asleep.</p><p>“Eddie?”</p><p>“We need to talk.”</p><p>“Can it wait? I just woke up.”</p><p>He pushes forward, kicking the door closed in the process. “No. We waited long enough.”</p><p>Buck's shoulders sag in defeat and then he moves to sit at the breakfast bar. “Okay.”</p><p>“I should have told you that my memory was coming back.”</p><p>“You think?”</p><p>“It was easier to pretend that nothing ever went wrong than actually talking about it.”</p><p>“Eddie, I’m sorry I couldn’t see you needed me, that Chris would miss me.”</p><p>“We’re passed that, I told you I forgave you.”</p><p>“Yeah, but when you said that, you didn’t remember what happened.”</p><p>Eddie takes a step forward, close enough he’s almost standing between Buck’s legs. His attention gets sidetracked for a moment, lost in how Buck’s thighs look in the sweatpants he’s wearing. When he looks up again, Buck looks tense, about to snap, so Eddie pushes, can’t help but step closer.</p><p>“I think not remembering a few things made me realize others.” He reaches out, one hand coming up to cup Buck’s cheek.</p><p>“Eddie…” his voice is nothing but a whisper and Eddie knows they have a lot to talk about, but he can’t remember half of those things right now, kissing Buck the only thought that makes any sense. </p><p>“Thank you for taking care of me and Chris.” His other hand goes up to Buck’s collarbone in the way he knows will get Buck to focus on him, pulse beating faster where his thumb is stroking. “Now, can I kiss you?”</p><p>Buck is the one who closes the gap between them.</p>
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